Saturday, January 29, 2005

' Many are the plans in a Man's heart; but it is still the Lord's purpose that prevails'

A great sense of disappointment builds up on me as i watched my team played yesterdae... We were all set out to win, we were expected to win but we din...
I won my set... It was an easy one but as the match goes... It became more tense and guess the gals were juz under pressure... Could have won, should have won... Juz felt tt the fighting spirit juz wasnt there... They were scared of their opponents... The fear of the opponents made their feets glued to the ground... It wasnt their best play... Far frm it... They are much much better than tt... But that fear and pressure juz prevented their talents to be displayed in the game... How i wished i was the one in the court at tt the last set to play my hearts out... Fell into the trap of the opponent cos the first singles can be easily beaten by anyone of us...
Was disappointed... really am, to the point where i felt lyk crying in the bus on the way back... It went down hard on me... Not blaming them... Juz felt tt it could have been better... This yrs comp was so important to me... Wanted to leave with a trophy at least.. Trained so hard, all ended up to nothing...
Dunno how the gals feel abt yesterdaes match... They took it easy i guess but i cant be lyk them... Toking and laughing happily after losing... There wasnt any reflections of their play in the court at all... Next is IJTP... tok abt winning them when we cant even beat beatty... Guess it was juz all part of Your plan again huh... Haiz...
Will feel better in the few daes' time i guess... Juz need to get over it...


Thx pple... I needed tt...

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Confession is good for the soul...

Felt the empowerment frm God through the weekend...
This week seems so exciting... Though there is lyk 3 tests... But tt doesnt really affect me... Im juz excited! Pumped up for God... Excited about everything... His Word, sat ex, sun services, and juz simply toking to Him... Its juz lyk the passion has been brought back and i juz feel refreshed by his presence... Try everydae going home and juz cant wait to read His Word and waking up in the morning and the first person u think is Jesus... How cool can tt be?! Manz its juz so different... Juz looking forward for lts on sun and services with great expectations rising up in my heart... Woah!!! Im ready to hear His Word...
Ciaoz pple!!!


-Prevent Truth decay, read the Bible everyday-

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Your grace is sufficient...

Thx alot... For not holding it against me...Means alot... This friendship is so precious... Nv wan to lose it... Treasured forever...
Thx the Lord for carrying me through... Holy Spirit for strengthening me... Cant express how grateful i am to You Lord... Praise You...
-------------------
You came from Heaven to earth
To show the way
From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay
From the cross to the grave
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high
-------------------------
Lord I lift Your name on high
Lord I love to sing Your praises
I'm so glad You're in my life
I'm so glad You came to save us
You are holy
You are holy
You are holy, my God

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Teach me Your ways...

Lord, I come into Your presence.
Here I stand in awesome reverence,
Falling before the wonder of Your Name.
Humbly now, Lord, I surrender.
This offering to You forever.
Take all I am and use me, Lord, I pray.
Make me what You want me to be
Teach me Your ways
------------------
Chorus:
I lay down my life for You.
Throw down my crowns before You.
Give up my all for Your Name.
My Saviour, how I adore You.
Healer, my heart longs for You.
Jesus, You're worthy to be praised.
---------------------
Bridge:
Jesus, You are Lord forever
Jesus, You are Lord

Looking beyond the Outward...

Had training todae...The games were nice... Super shagged... Then went hz hse bathe le cab down to church office... Juz felt the atmosphere when i reached there... Long time no youth ex liaoz... Though was super shagged and my four limbs ached everywhere... But was juz focusing on praising Him... Was gald to see gene...
Sermon juz rocks todae!!! Its simple and straightforward... Its abt the 3Ps below... Nice... Made me reflect...
Since the holis ended and skool starts... Everything had been so fast paced tt it leaves me breathless... No time to care abt Gods business and juz was so occupied with skool hw and assignments... All the copying in skool...Plus training for nationals... Was juz so occupied and cant be bothered with all the vision He gave me and stuff...
The sermon really made me reflect... The purity of my speech, my testimony in skool... How has tt been so far... Guess was bad... Copying of hw and stuff... I mean everyone is doing it, wads the big deal... But todae God juz told me tt its not alright... Trying to stick up lyk a sore thumb is not easy but tts wad God wans me to be... Set apart frm the rest and really live differently...
HArd... Almost impossible for me i guess... But God suprises us with the most unexpected... So shall try walking in His righteousness... Help me Lord i pray!
Lotsa stuff flooded through my mind as each individuals came to pray for me... Things lyk how wad pple say affected me so much... How i cared abt my reputation, whether izzit in skool or church or cca... How Man will look at me if i behave differently frm them... Many more... And all these flashed through my mind and the Holy Spirit convicted me so deeply... Laid them down b4 the Lord... Asking Him to help me and juz arrest all of them and take them away frm me in the name of Jesus...
Was not satisfied... Was afraid tt all this encounters will juz be a norm sat ex thingy where i juz cry at the altar and no change takes place... I dun wan things this way... Really want to change... The deep desire, deep longing inside my heart to change... But the temptation comes when Mon cums and i return back to skool... The norm skool life, everything will juz return to norm and all ended up to zero... Refused to end it this way... The norm routine... Wanted something deeper, something tt will stay deep inside me heart and cause me to change inside out... The deep encounter tt im waiting for... Refused to leave the altar... Sat there for quite some time... Was telling God tt i wasnt satisfied, i want something more... There must be more than this... Told Him tt I really want to change and was juz crying out to Him and asking Him to give me a deep deep encounter tt ill nv forget and will hold on to so tightly... Crying...
Candice came and prayed... The hunger, the thirst, the deep longing for Him... Her words struck me so hard... "A Christian life is not about juz struggling and break through and after breaking through struggle again, its more than that... Its the hunger, the thirst... How deep U yearn for Him... How deep is ur longing for Him... Ur deep crying for Him..."
Then PCA came, prayed for empowerment in my life...
MAnz... Teared lyk mad... Mz gave me tissue... So nice... Shall keep it...
Sat there for quite long... Reflecting... This year haven started it well... Its juz too fast... Cant handle it cos God wasnt in the centre at all... Gotta put Him back to where He belong... Really pleaded with Him to help me to change... Really dun wan this to be juz another encounter and when i return back to skool its a k sarah sarah mentality... Self discipline...
Want to see the change inside of me tt cause my outward change oso... A life tt can be a testimony to pple and impact their lives... Lord this is my prayer...



Purity.Passion.Power

Friday, January 21, 2005

.Mountains.Valleys.Rocks.World.

Getting late... Feeling super tired but juz dun dare to sleep... Guess only hz and jer noes y... Finshed some a mths q frm heymath... Bro juz came back frm army todae... He looked super big size... every part of him seems to be enlarged, Scary... I think he looks lyk incredible Hulk... Hahhaha...
Day of conquest tml, dun feel lyk going but still haf to go... Sianz... No cell this week... Scehdule clashed for most of us so cant...
Nth much juz trying to occupy myself by blogging... Guess have no choice but to head back to bed soon... Hope the night would be smooth...
Got lostsa stuff cuming up... Esp tests... Nationals starts next week, means training will occupy most of my daes... Hope can win something... Last yr le...
Alright shall stop here...


:// `freedomreigns`

Monday, January 17, 2005

The impression of you in me...

Mad still online at this time... Its officially a Mondae... Currently 1:16 am... Right now its sirongs bdae... Ed was on the 16th... Hahaha juz over... Doing some eng research on child abuse now... Sianz... Feeling really worned out by skool and all the hw tt is piling up... Stressed up... Going bonks*... Finding all the zest gone after skool reopened... Too occupied by skool work and dun really care abt what God is going to do to Fairfield tt kinda stuff... The spiritual stuffs is slowly fading... Fading away... And the thing is now i cant really be bothered cos i am really super busy with the new yr... Maybe someone there to spur me on will be gd but guess cant expect much now cos lyk everyone oso super busy and worn-out, even Chowz is down too... So cant expect much... Gotta depend on myself...
Right finally finish printing my stuff... Still got piles of hw to complete but guess cant finsh all of em by todae... gonna sleep soon... Zzzzzz!


Dreamt of you a few nights
It wasnt pleasant at all
Found it so hard to talk to you
Like there was no subject between us at all
Wondered why
Dread to close my eyes again

Sunday, January 16, 2005

=burned out=

Had oikos yesterdae... Din get to play, was supposed to get the game going...
The game was super fun one, tried out b4 for the youth camp with the camp com pple... Really wanted to play but well... It was tiring juz facilitating the games and asking the groups to get ready... Shout until got no more voice somemore under the hot sun... Was burning lyk mad, but thx God for the weather cos frankly speaking if it had rained yesterdae, the games com din haf any backup plan so... Thx god for the HOT weather...
The teams were super aggresive la... esp gabriels grp... kept scolding us cos we din see alot of stuff... But it was lyk damn hard to see can... The area was so big and me and lau only had 1 pairs of eyes each, how are we suppose to see everything.... And when the game was commencing, it was lyk super chaotic.... And many of them dont really listening to instructions and all they do is to scold us and say tt the game is not fair... Really had a hard time trying to please everyone and trying my best to make the game fair...
Was damn shagged at the end of the dae... Wasnt in the mood to have fun and bomb pple... All tt was in my mind was thanking God tt everything was over safely and smoothly... Cleared the place while they were playing with the excess bombs... Really thx those who had helped to pick the plastic bags and helped clear the place...
No mood for debriefing... But still had to... So juz sat there with the sun shining directly at my face and stoned while candice was asking questions... Was too tired to talk so juz listen los...
Overall was quite alright la... Learnt something frm there... Learned to solve things fast and lyk what kj say... Muz be zai... Hahhaha... Went to change up after tt... Saw shujun... She said thanks... That really warmed my heart... Knowing tt someone appreciates all the hard work and effort tt the team have put in... Nice...
Went mac with the rest to buy some stuff to eat... The ice cream cone really is the best thing tt i could have then... Took 196 with them too... Bethes chowz candice mingzhu faith... All chionged to the upper deck when the bus reached... Hahahha... Planning to sleep for the 1 hr bus ride... Each of us all took 2 seats per person... Hahhahaha...
Slept quite long and woke up liaoz the bus still haven reached... Left me mz bethes and candice... So started talking crap and bethes was yakking away with her jim as usual... Hahaha... Was nice juz toking together and got the juz after camp going home feeling... Was really exhausted...

-------> Currently playing: ' We fall down' by Passion

Then todae was super tired... Went for lts then service... Wasnt really paying attention to the sermon cos was lyk half asleep kinda thing... Everyones faces were all red... esp kj... HAhaha damn funny... Went foodcourt and makan with mz cell... Then went orchard walk walk abit then came home...
Gonna sleep and start chionging hw later... Haiz...

心情总在飞
什么事都想去追

想捉住一点安慰
总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
最害怕孤单的滋味
我的心是那么脆
一碰就会碎
经不起一点风吹
身边总希望有人陪
最害怕每天的天黑

但是天总会黑人总要离别
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味谁都要面对
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫

孤单的时候总想找个人来陪
拿起电话第一个想到的就是你
但那失望的幻想总在我脑海里浮现
最终还是放下了

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

-Defiance-

Recovering from the deadly virus of flu... Realised tt alot of pple oso sick other than me... Take care pple...
Skool is damn busy la, everydae go skool sure got things to do one... Not lyk last time lax lyk mad... Wad to do... O's is this yr... Manz... Dread it!! But thx God this yr my teachers quite steady one... Nv kena slack or inexperienced teacher... Heng sia...
Todaes training is lax one... Hahahha juz went there hit a few shuttles... Sianz!!!
Nth much... Oikos and cell this Sat... Weird arrangement... Wonder y cell on Sat... But nvm gotta go east coast early to set up the place for the games... Finally now tocky has something to keep him busy with... Keep saying he damn free... Tt bugger...
Nth much... But actually kinda looking forward to the service learning trip this yr... Hope go somewhere out of Singapore... Yeah tt would be cool...

Completely forgotten about God nowadaes due to the busy schedule... Making the below song my prayer... Hope to draw close to Him once again...

Right gotta get down to work soon... Rest for awhile....

Draw me nearer to You
Nearer to You
Fill my life with Your presence
The way You want to
Till my soul is ablaze
Each and everyday
Draw me nearer
Nearer to You
------------------------------------------
. Flying with wings. Defying physical limitations.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Wished You were by my side...

Feeling awful now, the fever and flu is driving me mad... Din go skool todae... Not feeling well...
Dunno whether the doc i saw was a certified doc... Refused to give me the fever medicine and said i had no fever... Hey 38.8 no fever... Wad the... Only can spoonge myself now...
Bro is officially enlisted into the army todae... My parents went with him to pasir ris early in the morning then to work, leaving me the sick kid at home...
Went to see doc and bought my lunch... Feeling so weak when i was walking downstairs, lyk going to collaspe anytime... No energy to do anything... How i wish someone is by my side taking care of me... Someone to wake me up to take my medicine, someone to spoonge me with cold towel... Did all of tt by myself...
All by myself now in this hse... Bet if i faint, no one would even noe... Sad...
Right feeling drowsy, muz be the flu medicine... Shrks... Tts all then...

=Closed my eyes, is you that I see=

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

You're an essay in glamour...

Right a quick update... Holis hw are driving me mad... Hahaha, currently doing some research on some articles...
Things are getting busier nowadaes... Orientation and selections... Lessons were all kinda boring... Every teacher is giving us the O levels talk... Damn sianz, and i bet the a mths test is a sure fail... First dae take test liaoz, cant remember a single thingy...
Felt damn tired these few daes, not used to the getting up so early style yet, kinda still in holi mood still, gotta adjust back again... Nth much in skool... Propaganda as usual...
Lotsa things gotta be done by this week... Im so dead...
Time management is the key...
Looking for a verse tt struck me some time ago... Still cant find it in the bible... Sad, gotta ask around and find it soon...
Cyaz!

You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my comforter, you're my best friend
You're in my soul

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Hearing your heartbeat...

Right skool is starting tml... New beginning... Important yr muz chiong for O's liaoz, cannot slack...
Haven written my new yr resloution yet... MAnz... better get it done later and all my hw... O man...
Nth much todae... Went lts 2... Under PCA... HAhahah woke up damn early, dun dare to be late sia... His teaching is gd... But someone in my class keeps interupting him... Finding him abit diaoz... Sermon learned some stuff too... Nice...
Went essentials with jer and hz to clear some work... then too tired to continue le just slacked around...
Great expectation rising up for 2005...Greater challenges, struggles etc. Gotta work hard and stay close to papz Lord... YEah!!!
Recently created this quiz abt myself... HAhahah for fun, see how much u noe abt me yeah...
http://www01.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050101050020-808302
Right hw time!!! Ciaoz!!
Im reaching for Your heart
You hold my life in Your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel Your power renewed
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see You face to face
I worship You in Spirit and in Truth
----------------------------
-You've captivated my heart and soul-